what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
