so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
