i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
