I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
