Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
