The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize