I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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