My liver just broke up with me...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
