I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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