Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
