I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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