so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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