he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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