Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
