I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize