I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
