How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
last night I used snow as a chaser
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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