dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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