he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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