I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
