I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
