Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
