I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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