The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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