Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
