Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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