i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Is it because I queefed?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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