I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
