I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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