the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
