She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am mentally ready for anal.
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