and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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