youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
