is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
