I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
