its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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