just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
