Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize