ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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