I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we made out on top of his cat.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
