dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
