My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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