Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
