that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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