Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
