Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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