i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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