That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize