Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
