We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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