That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
