I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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