I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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