Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
