I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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