After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
