dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
