he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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