The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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