Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
