My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
