She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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