Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this boner is exhausting
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
