so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
As shirtless as possible
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
