This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
