There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
