He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
