Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
