someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
