mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
