My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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