Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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