Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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