are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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